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Choose Your Own Adventure.

golly, life is complicated. as much as the title of this post evokes some of my favourite books from my childhood it's a complete other thing to have it play out real life. (AND in adulthood.) as much as i'd like to turn to page 69 to find out if following the Mayan guide was truly the best choice (and if it wasn't i'd have no qualms about flipping back to page 42 and choosing again. i cheat like that;) i suddenly find myself at a massive fork in the road. each pathway looks appealing and i can see great riches awaiting me whatever page i choose, but am i suddenly gonna end up at the end of the narrative if i don't choose wisely? (short answer, yes. long answer, yes.)

you pray to God, gods, goddesses, Nature, the Universe, Doraemon, your-fucking-self, for a break in the weather (please) but when it finally comes it's not neat and simple. it's beautiful, yes. what you asked for, yes. but with strings attached. to oversimplify things, i've been presented with two paths to follow. i honestly don't know which is better. BOTH will give me something i've wanted for a long time. and i can't help but think about what would happen if i choose either. it's not particularly healthy...but it is addictive.

not meaning to be abstract, but things ARE pretty abstract, to even me right now. thankfully i've learned to appreciate the good and the bad that comes with being a functioning 'intelligent' organism on this planet. i'm not afraid of pain, hurt, hardship, happiness, ecstacy or joy. i've danced with them all. (and i think that on some levels they are all inter-changeable with one another anyway.) what bugs me are 'what ifs'. throw everything you have at me, but don't keep giving me Sophie's Choice (it's an over-rated movie BUT Meryl Streep is the shit. so i guess it balances.)

so much for my cerebral pledge from last post but fuck it. i'm truly on the horns of a dilemma here.

The Devil sinking into a glass of red wine.

To dye for...

so it's another Sunday where i'm scatterbrained (read into that what you will...but your first guess is probably right;) and i'm dye-ing (sp?) my hair. again. it seems i do this whenever i wanna 'make a change'. like, once i'm done i'll look in the mirror and be a different me. on the surface it works...but i'm not sure about my insides. anyway, i digress...

i really meant for this blog to be my ruminations on intelligent subject matter but reading my previous posts i come off sounding like somewhat of a valley girl (LOVE Frank Zappa!) i assure you that i DO have a brain, i use it and i think i could be loosely termed intelligent. i shall make an effort to be more cerebral and engage you in discourse that isn't only limited to 'dogs' and 'the boy i'm crushing on' from now on.

but no promises.

as probably all of you know i had an aneurysm last November (almost my one year aneu-versary!) and it still scares the shit out of me. i've said this to a few of you, but i feel 'dumber'. in fact i know i'm not as smart as i used to be. and the worst part of it is knowing that. (like seriously, if you're gonna fuck with my brain at least make sure i don't have residual memories. i'm not into that Total Recall bullshit.) i know bad shit happens to everyone, but there's something cruel (and why do i keep thinking of 'Flowers for Algernon'?) about knowing that you've mentally deteriorated. i'm not as sharp, witty or together as i used to be. and it sucks balls.

anywho, this is not meant to be a pity party. i'm just still getting used to the 'new' me. (and, by the by, Jesus/Allah/Buddha...don't give me fucking Alzheimers, OK? or i'll punch you in the face. kthnksbai.)

and since you asked, my hair is now 'rusty mocha'. (which sounds like a wicked porn name, btw.)

peace out.

The Devil wearing Cameron's boots.

God is Dog (backwards)

God-damn (please don't damn me, o benevolent one!) i've met some good people recently. i'm a fan of the 'dogs are the BEST people' quote, (mostly cos you can always count on a Golden Retriever to lift your day)...but i think i might have to amend that. i've met some folk recently who are worthy of a place in my heart.
Cameron & Sarah...i'm taking you both with me.
equally, separately, differently...you're beautiful.
thank you for finding me.
you make me smile (and i wish you were some yappy chihuahuas that i could throw in my handbag to take along on the next part of my journey.)

just don't pee on me.
(at least without asking first)

love you betches!

The Devil smiling.

I'm not gonna join your faggot menagerie!

man, i surprise even myself sometimes with some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. and i make myself laugh more than is probably normal. lol.

Happy fucking Halloween.

Halloween is my favourite-ist day of the whole year and i'm stuck at home with a cold. Motherfucker. And i'm missing my mate Billy's karaoke birthday bash AND a house party at my mate Andrew's. Double motherfucker.

But i've just downed some big ass flu pills. Industrial strength, so much pseudo-ephedrin it'd make a trucker blush, gonna knock that virus right into the middle of next week, pills. And I have herbal refreshments on hand, and two Kit Kats (gotta have me some chocolate on Halloween!).
So i guess it ain't all bad:)

The Devil getting (legally) high.

this drove me absolutely insane when i was 14. it still does. God damn, i wanted to live in Twin Peaks.and go to Laura Palmer's funeral in a hot, wide brimmed black hat. and look all heavy lidded and serious. (i had a strange childhood.)

If I Survive (I'll tell on you...)


It's a little early, I think I have the flu, I had a fucking horrid nightmare last night AND i'm a little pissed.

First things first...whatever i write on this blog is primarily for me. i realise that this is a public forum but the only people that know i'm keeping this, and therefore have access to it, are people that i consider my closest friends. i thought for a millisecond about editing some stuff i've written but fuck that. whatever i write/wrote is how i was feeling at the time. it doesn't mean that that's a definitive snapshot of everything that's going through my head, or even my thought of the hour. bottom line: i don't expect to have what i've written criticized and then used against me to make me feel guilty. it's very simple...if you don't like what you read then don't fucking read it.

still reading? are you sure you wanna do that?

by the way, if i've mentioned you by name and you take offense to that, i'll listen to what you have to say. if you haven't been mentioned and are giving me your opinion on stuff that doesn't concern you, you can piss off. seriously.

and on a semi-related note...i'm definitely leaving Japan. without question. if things come across as uncertain from what you read here it's because i've lived here for almost 7 years, most of my friends are here and leaving ain't fucking easy. i would've thought that was obvious. i'm still processing the whole moving countries thing so give me a break.

my apologies to those this post doesn't concern. it's mostly for the attention of one person (who should really know better.)

The Devil with a fever.

One for the road...

about to dash out the door to meet Cameron (heart)...so super fast post.

talking it over with Lee (bless her) and we're hatching plans to stop me leaving Japan. it would piss SO many people off BUT equally it would make a whole bunch happy too...including me.

Lee and I are gonna meet Saturday to discuss over wines. On a side note: Lee...i can't believe you made it through Sober October! you're my hero.

now let's get drunk!

The Devil in a pink hoodie.